Sinner’s Corner: I think I may be becoming monarchist
Does “mildly enamoured” mean, ‘Though I’m not prepared to bend a knee to these people, possibly they are not Satan’s evil minions as I once suspected they might be’?
Sinner: Isaiah Boronka, Kitchener, Ontario
Confession: Ever since I was young I’ve had this agitated, anabaptist-y, anti-Christendom, anarchist-prone faith. I grew up in a conservative Mennonite home and have several great-uncles who were jailed for being pacifists. I have long sought to lead the life of Christian discipleship that they chose.
Here’s my confession: I think I may be becoming monarchist.
Ugh! It’s true. I have photos of eight people in my room: seven show my favourite “saints”: Dorothy Day, Maximillian Kolbe, John Wesley, Menno Simons, Abba Anthony, Martin of Tours and Martin Luther King Jr. And, um, then there’s the photo of me and the queen.
I should mention that my great-grandfather was imprisoned six years for refusing the oath of allegiance to the king of his country. And then there’s me, practically rubbing shoulders with the queen.
Moral gymnastics: When I was working in Toronto last year, the queen went to church at St. James Cathedral and, well, I had the morning off and went to see her. Somehow I got in the front row and ended up talking to her husband, Prince Philip, who joked around with me about how hot it was outside and how sweaty I had become. Since that encounter, I’ve been mildly enamoured with the monarchy.
Penance: Earnest Isaiah, a bit of clarification is in order. Does “mildly enamoured” mean, “Though I’m not prepared to bend a knee to these people, possibly they are not Satan’s evil minions as I once suspected they might be”?
Or does it rather suggest, I’ve now tattooed a full-body figure of Her Majesty, draped only in the flag, on the arm with which I shoot my government-issue automatic rifle at innocent women and children?
These are clearly two entirely different prospects. In the first case, this might indeed be God’s softening work in your heart.
In the second case, though, your instinct to confess was spot on. Slowly step away from the weapon and return to the tattoo parlour. Under your current ill-chosen design, please add these words: “God save me and the queen.”
Go and sin no more.
Margot Starbuck, Confessions Editor
Send your confession to Margot at email@example.com. Whether you regularly give motorists the finger when cycling, prefer Guns N’ Roses to the musicians at church, or get lured in by the smell of deep-fried indulgence whenever you’re near McDonald’s, absolution is at hand.