Conflict Resolution for Geezy Beings

by Claire Peace | Published 8th April 2024

Credit: Marshall B. Rosenberg, www.CNVC.org

By listening we will understand who we are in this holy realm of words.
—Joy Harjo, from “Conflict Resolution for Holy Beings”

About this document (June 2024): This resource was created for Geez staff working through conflict, but was not completely finished as Geez began to shut down. We share it online in openness and trust that it can be used as a resource to other groups and organizations with radical dreams hoping to work through conflict with respect, care, and love.

Kazu Haga, teacher of nonviolence and restorative justice, once shared the quote: “Conflict is the spirit of the relationship asking itself to deepen.” Similarly, we ask, in light of conflict that arises, what is the spirit of Geez asking us to deepen? We desire to approach conflict resolution from an abolitionist lens; that is, seeing conflict as an opportunity to work towards transparency, repair, and accountability, rather than punishment or isolation.

We also remember that “Fear of Open Conflict” is one characteristic of white supremacy culture. We seek transparency and openness with multiple avenues of communication in which to address conflict:

Sometimes we need to talk to someone honestly about work issues in order to get things off our chest and find equilibrium. When the need to vent arises, we invite staff to do so to a trusted person outside of Geez (not on staff or the Board)
We invite a culture of collective mindful reflection through collective check-ins, which are informed by monastic Ignatian practices, and incorporate a mix of personal reflection and group sharing. These sessions are an open invitation to pause and notice feelings of friction or frustration, to articulate what we need moving forward, and for the Geez team to agree on, and take action on, addressing these needs.
When a staff member has an issue with another staff member, and the above spaces have not been sufficient in addressing it, we welcome direct communication as one method of conflict resolution, using a nonviolent communication framework. However, if this does not feel possible (ex. due to differences in communication style or power dynamics) we have created a Communication Buddy process to support staff in addressing conflict.

Conflict Discernment Tool:

Instances where a Communication Buddy might be needed:

You do not feel comfortable or equipped to name a tension with another staff person directly one-on-one, or to bring it up at the the quarterly staff evaluation (collective check-in)
You’ve attempted to name your needs to complete an essential task in your work with Geez, but feel that you’re not being heard and want accountability for meeting the need.
You need support with navigating the conflict because power dynamics (ex. due to race, gender, length of time with Geez) or intense feelings make it difficult to express yourself and your needs.

Instances where Geez is not responsible for addressing conflict, but invites staff to address outside of work:

Conflict or friction due to family or friendship dynamics
Annoyance with a person, but work is going smoothly otherwise. Consider if a boundary has been crossed, if so, instead of having a complaint about a specific person’s behavior perhaps you have a need or boundary that you want to name for your working interactions/relationships at Geez.
Do you feel respected by the other person? Are you able to work well together? If the answer is yes but there still feels like there’s an issue or annoyance, then it is the personal responsibility of the staff person to address rather than the workplace (Geez).
We encourage you to talk about your concern with a friend or family member outside of Geez. Perhaps their input or listening will inform if this is a workplace or personal conflict.

Resource | Communication Buddy
“Mediation helps: a) clarify power dynamics, b) make harmful patterns visible, and c) introduce the idea that things can be made right, whole, easeful.”
—adrienne maree brown, Holding Change

Communication Buddy: The Role as Mediator

A good fit for a communication buddy (Be’s-A-Buddy? Think on this name) is someone on staff at Geez trusted by the Needs-A-Buddy, but not someone who has a deep prior relationship outside of Geez (ex. not a family member or close friend).
The role of the Buddy is to be a supportive third presence in a conversation between two parties who have tension or conflict (The Needs-A-Buddy and Meets-A-Buddy), to mediate and hold the conversation with thoughtfulness and care so that they can be present to one another and listen to well to one another.
This can look like:
- Naming power dynamics when this is needed
- Slowing down conversations through deep listening practices (i.e. “When you say this, I feel ____.” and getting the Needs-A-Buddy and Meets-A-Buddy to repeat back what they hear from one another)
- Sensing the need for pause, a deep breath, or a break, and facilitating it to happen (ex. if someone gets reactive or triggered)
- Documenting any commitments made in the meeting
- Reminding parties of their shared commitments to one another and to Geez, through Opening/Closing, liturgy/ritual, prayer (if desired)

Process, steps and time expectations:

Initial ask: The Need’s-A-Buddy should reach out (via email or call) with a brief explanation of the needs before scheduling a first meeting. The Be’s-A-Buddy should take time to consider their capacity and comfort before stepping into this work.
Listening Meeting or First meeting (set aside 1 hour): Starting with one meeting between the potential Be’s-A-Buddy and the Needs-A-Buddy, with the goal of listening to the Needs-A-Buddy’s concerns to better understand the issues at hand, and what might be needed.
Questions for the potential Be’s-A-Buddy to ponder:
- Is this a Geez, workplace-related issue? (If not, Geez can support through suggesting an outside mediator or possibly a board member if that seems appropriate.)
- What does the Needs-A-Buddy need? (ex. to be heard, for change to happen, for a harmful action or pattern to be addressed)
Confirmation: After this meeting, both people reflect on their capacity and comfort moving forward. The Needs-A-Buddy will confirm if they want to move forward with the mediated conversation. The Be’s-A-Buddy will notify the Meets-A-Buddy of the need for a Mediation Meeting. (Em and Celine can create a simple template for this email.) They will also gather availability and schedule the meeting.
- The Be’s-A-Buddy can stop at this point if something came up in the meeting that means they no longer feel comfortable being the mediator, and the Needs-A-Buddy can reach out to one of the HR reps on the Board.
- The HR rep who is the new Be’s-A-Buddy will then have another first meeting with the Needs-A-Buddy. The Buddy will inform the Meets-A-Buddy of the process that is going forward. [might need to workshop this]
Mediation Meeting or Second meeting: (set aside 1.5 hours) The Needs-A-Buddy shares their concerns with the support of the Be’s-A-Buddy, who also ensures that the Meets-A-Buddy hears and understands them. The Meets-A-Buddy can choose to respond in the conversation, or to listen and process, then respond.
- What does the support of the Be’s-A-Buddy look like in this meeting?
  - Perhaps the Needs-A-Buddy is not comfortable communicating openly about the conflict, the Be’s-A-Buddy can speak on their behalf. Sometimes support looks like the Be’s-A-Buddy should use their own words to explain the conflict.
  - The Be’s-A-Buddy can step in and halt the meeting if they feel it is not moving forward in a healthy way, that harm is being done or emotions are in the way of communicating.
- Next steps can vary:
  - If both parties shared: The Need’s-A-Buddy follows up with the commitments documented in the meeting.
  - If Meets-A-Buddy did not respond in the meeting, schedule a follow-up meeting for this to take place.
  - If needed, Third Meeting: If both parties did not feel like they had more to say or were not adequately heard
If the conflict or concern is not resolved:
Widen the circle to include another HR rep on the Board, for their listening presence and feedback