To do

I am burdened by positive motivations. I am convinced I am on this planet to spread peace, deepen truth and create joy. Unfortunately details get in the way.

This is my daily to-do list:

  • Live fully.
  • Work for the greatest good.
  • Parent my children with levity and empathy.
  • Minimize my addiction to books, or at least pretend to listen to people who interrupt me while I’m reading.
  • Think through each decision so as to live up to my ethics.
  • Emphasize creativity in all I do.
  • Floss.
  • Oh yeah, stand up straight.

See what I mean? Where is the time for the peace, truth and joy stuff? When am I gonna change the world?

Other things get in the way too. Meetings, bills, phone calls, laundry. This path I have taken, entertaining grandiose visions while submerging myself in mundane necessities, is tragically comfortable. I like comfortable.

I could blame my dilemma on my parents. They are the loving, nurturing types who encouraged their offspring to believe they could accomplish anything. Anything? That’s a heavy burden to carry around.

I could point to society as the problem, the society that promises endless possibilities to those willing to sacrifice important things like relationships and health.

I could explain that it is current attitudes toward work. The find-the-work-you-were-meant-to-do mentality deludes me into thinking I can get paid for a meaningful, fulfilling career which allows me to save the world and still be home in time to make a healthful dinner brimming with omega three fatty acids.

I could posit my theory about stages in life, this being my Busy-With-Everything stage, with my Noble Heroine stage coming up at some nebulous time in the future.

Or I could recline on my newest excuse, the Thought Waves excuse: I run errands, but my mind is, all the while, sending loving energy to those suffering from fear or pain or despair. I sit through a meeting, but I am praying for the wholeness of the planet. I do laundry, but I am meditating on Unity of All.

I remain convinced of my quest in life, yet the burden weighs on me. Well, that explains my bad posture.

Laura Grace Weldon is an editor, conflict resolution educator and home-schooling parent in Litchfield, Ohio.

Issue 5

This article first appeared in Geez magazine Issue 5, Spring 2007, Humanity Has Big Issues.

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Issue 5, Spring 2007

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