I am burdened by positive motivations. I am convinced I am on this planet to spread peace, deepen truth and create joy. Unfortunately details get in the way.
This is my daily to-do list:
- Live fully.
- Work for the greatest good.
- Parent my children with levity and empathy.
- Minimize my addiction to books, or at least pretend to listen to people who interrupt me while I’m reading.
- Think through each decision so as to live up to my ethics.
- Emphasize creativity in all I do.
- Oh yeah, stand up straight.
See what I mean? Where is the time for the peace, truth and joy stuff? When am I gonna change the world?
Other things get in the way too. Meetings, bills, phone calls, laundry. This path I have taken, entertaining grandiose visions while submerging myself in mundane necessities, is tragically comfortable. I like comfortable.
I could blame my dilemma on my parents. They are the loving, nurturing types who encouraged their offspring to believe they could accomplish anything. Anything? That’s a heavy burden to carry around.
I could point to society as the problem, the society that promises endless possibilities to those willing to sacrifice important things like relationships and health.
I could explain that it is current attitudes toward work. The find-the-work-you-were-meant-to-do mentality deludes me into thinking I can get paid for a meaningful, fulfilling career which allows me to save the world and still be home in time to make a healthful dinner brimming with omega three fatty acids.
I could posit my theory about stages in life, this being my Busy-With-Everything stage, with my Noble Heroine stage coming up at some nebulous time in the future.
Or I could recline on my newest excuse, the Thought Waves excuse: I run errands, but my mind is, all the while, sending loving energy to those suffering from fear or pain or despair. I sit through a meeting, but I am praying for the wholeness of the planet. I do laundry, but I am meditating on Unity of All.
I remain convinced of my quest in life, yet the burden weighs on me. Well, that explains my bad posture.
Laura Grace Weldon is an editor, conflict resolution educator and home-schooling parent in Litchfield, Ohio.